IMG_1797-jaFirst-born experiment child
of a loving absent father
stuck in the Marine corps
And an angry mother I would die for
Moved around a lot
Inland Empire
apartment to apartment
Young Powerless witness of a Black and Blue Trauma
Wide Eyes exposed to violence
In a loving home
Confused by what love is
Is love alive?
Is love a lie?
Forced to carry this heavy weight
Moved to LA at 8
to stay out the foster system
Raised in South Central
Figueroa & Gage
Where you see condom wrappers in the alleyway
Streetwalkers working all day
Pimp on the corner giving me gifts
Trying to lead me down that path
At 12 and a half
Forced to carry this heavy weight
Trying hard to obey rules
About who I’m supposed to be
A minority times three
My blackness questioned in today’s society
Along with my sexuality
Told to act like a lady
In this Christian family
Practice silence and suppress
the anger in my blood
But in the end – no balance
No backbone
Pretending like nothing’s wrong
Survived so many falls
But not without scars
I still refuse to show
I try to ask for help
But swallow my words
It’s not a pride thing
Too embarrassed to let it be known
The aftermath of a failed suicide
Forced to carry these heavy weights
That made me strong
And remind me where I’m from
And no longer belong
The day everything changed
Loneliness went away
I was saved by women in the mountains
I found a community more like a family
Brothers and sisters that love me
Earth angels I adore
The day everything changed
my shyness went away
I became the person you see today
Jaynese aka Jay

-Jaynese “Ladybug” Poole